dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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