will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
