2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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