Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
