you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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