At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
