I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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