So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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