You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
