i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
