Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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