Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
