considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
