I didn't shave. On purpose
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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