Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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