you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
