bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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