He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
