Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
