Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
