I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
