My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
