Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
