She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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