Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
