Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
