I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
