I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
