went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We need to rekindle our bromance
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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