I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
