the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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