Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
