Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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