Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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