also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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