Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
