the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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