I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
