I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
