sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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