idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
