well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
