Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
