So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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