im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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