why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize