Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
