we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
