She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
