I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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