hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
