Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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