Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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