Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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