Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am naked and annoyed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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