My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
