i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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