is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
