When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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