Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
