i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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