the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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