I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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