I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
