ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
