What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
