Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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