dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just googled if crying burns calories
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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