try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
