if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
